you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
