You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
