No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
