she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
