How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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