the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize