thus making me awesome and them whores
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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