we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
