You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
