In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
