so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
