Betty ford says i'm here all night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
