Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
