Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
