ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
