its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's never too late to be topless.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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