What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
