Sacagawea was the original milf.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
