i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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