I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
