Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
