those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
