so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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