we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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