i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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