he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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