It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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