Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
