she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
