I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
