Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize