I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
