I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
