I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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