He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
