Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
