in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is my gift to your gina
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
