i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
