Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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