I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
