he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
