im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize