My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
