I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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