Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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