yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
