Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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