dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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