I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
