So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
