we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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