Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
