well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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