Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
