Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
