I love black thongs
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
