I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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