i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
