Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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