Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
