The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize