Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
