worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
