and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
