Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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