There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
