we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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