I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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