I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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